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16 October 2007 @ 05:38 pm
Jack and Jill poem V.2.0  
Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack went first and quenched his thirst,
and ruined all the water.
Jack looked at Jill,
and if looks could kill,
Jack would be a goner.

Simply said,
Jack would be dead,
and no one knows but the Schnauzer.
Because Jill said "sure!",
When the dog offered to pay her,
To keep clean the wells water.

Suffice to say,
Jack did away,
with Jill's high-paying job offer.
when Jack decided to say,
"It's not that bad, okay?",
Jill became a scoffer.

It's a little bit more morbid than I meant, but funny nonetheless.(I think)
 
 
Current Mood: crazycrazy
 
 
 
SammyD: crisp fall day 2003sammyd on October 17th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC)
Morbid, yes.
Funny, I think so.

As I was told many years ago, I needed to work on scansion when I wrote my poetry. I think you need to work on scansion as well. Think of the lines as a song, play the tune in your head while reading the words. If something is off beat (no pun intended) go back and reword it so it reads smoothly. I'm still working on this myself. So go ask your mother.

Dad
shadowlynn: Sheltonshadowlynn on October 17th, 2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
I like it. Thanks!
Ruby Megmeglimir on October 30th, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC)
Definitely funny!! Along the same lines as one of my favorite "famous" poems, The Walrus and the Carpenter.